Literary Agents Must Die! (Paperback) (ISBN-13: 9798991470902)

What does a septuagenarian, retired Vermont librarian do when hundreds of queries for her seminal first novel, Final Love, are ignored?

Tilda Wilcox Duclos may be a little unhinged, but she knows she's written the greatest novel since Gone with the Wind. Unfortunately, Final Love is being outrageously stifled by the demands of the vile query system, and getting snubbed by snarky NYC literary agents.

Deciding to get back at the rejecting and ignoring literary agents, and assisted by her reprobate, fantasy-created brother, Timothy, they concoct a dastardly scheme that will send a handful of innocent, but prima donna literary agents to NYC hospitals for near-death experiences.

When Inspector Mahoney, in charge of Lower Manhattan, 7th Police Precinct Special Investigations Division, is alerted by hospital emergency rooms of the poisonings, he's determined to keep the situation under wraps. The only lead is the poisons arrived through the mail in maple syrup sample bottles from a small collective in Burlington, Vermont: The Vermont Association of Maple Sugar Producers, or VAMP.

Inspector Mahoney orders retiring, and widowed NYPD Detective Charles White, to Vermont to track down the miscreants. Mahoney considers it a case that NYPD doesn't want to prosecute, so Detective White is ordered to quietly investigate-and then have the case dumped into the Vermont court system. Detective White imagines he'll have plenty of opportunity to wet a fly and fish Vermont's well-stocked streams, indulging in his favorite pastime with his new, expensive gear.

Accompanied to Vermont by his companion mutt, Mister Fritz, Detective White races to VAMP's headquarters. There he meets and becomes saddled with the newly appointed Director of Promotion, Kirby Clark, affectionally known as "KC". Kirby Clark's a vivacious, quick-witted divorcee with a pilot-to-be son, Davie, and Simon, a cow-entranced, toddler grandchild.

KC's also an avid fly fisherwoman and, unknown to Detective White, is a celebrity known throughout Vermont. Not afraid of snap judgments and always moving too fast, KC quickly maneuvers Detective White into becoming his unofficial crime-solving partner.

If the chemistry is right, she'll keep him in Vermont, tucked in her condo's king-sized bed.

Detective White and KC quickly uncover the miscreants. But Tilda Duclos and her insane creation, brother Timothy, turn out to be a much more complex situation than Detective White and Kirby Clark have bargained for.

How to resolve the ultimate law-enforcement dilemma: doing what the law demands or what is right. This satirical, humorous tale of 420 pages is a heartwarming tale of poison, love, and justice. It will entertain and amuse any reader.